"Coat Check Dream Song"

Today I noticed something: I leave. Easily. And I don't really regret it most times.

But when people come trickling back in my life (sadly, most of the time, it's via Facebook), I start looking back and wondering what would have happened if I had stood by them instead of running away when shit got hard. I was surprised as hell this morning to find that one of my SXU friends had used one of our really old photos as a profile picture. I don't know if she was trying to get my attention or let me know she was still alive and it was ok that I didn't know what to say or how to say it when shit got a little bit crazy. I wasn't her best friend... But when you're in the bottom of the barrel, any good friend is essential to breaking through to the surface.

KLo: I miss our crazy times. A little secret: I once thought that we could save each other in the end. I will never forget our hallway kishes, the night we decided fuck SXU and smoked hookah on the lawn, or any of the times you stumbled in my room, grabbed Tiff and I by the arm and told us we were coming with you. Halloween is still my favorite holiday and I look at our photos with Nick and still think about how hot we looked that night. And how short he is =)

You introduced me to a million different ways of living. You made me believer in Captain and good fucking music. And I know that one measly 'Are you okay?' text didn't help you then and I should've done more. You were right, you're probably better off without us, the ones who were too scared to ignore what other people were saying and just be a good fucking friend.

For what it's worth, I'm still waiting to give you the celebration you deserved that night. But I know that there were people who found you and gave you a million of those nights. And I'm hoping every night from here on out is one of those nights for you.